Just the thing for the budget-conscious alcoholic, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Term XLIV, Issue 03 (#231)
Weather outlook:
Cheesy.
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* Contents *
************
- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
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* Editor's Blurb *
******************
Hey all
This edition of the Juice and Gin was delayed due to a severe case of
Stanley Cup Fever that, unfortunately, ended the life of a valiant
hockey team a little prematurely.
I won't go into the details, but this city has a lot to be proud of.
And considering that the Ducks have two players from the Ottawa Valley,
the Cup will at least spend a little time in the capital region.
If I had a hat, I would doff it.
Until next time,
That was pure awesome with extra awesome-sauce poured over it by Jesus.
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
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* Ongoing Events *
******************
[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
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Pool League
===========
Mondays
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/index.html#Monday
Contact: Dave and Michael (pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
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Indoor Rock Climbing
====================
Thursdays
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/index.html#Thursday
Contact: Andrew (akpallek$hotmail.com)
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* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
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I recently watched a debate between the Reverend Al Sharpton and the
journalist Christopher Hitchens. They were (quite politely, actually)
discussing the issue of the existence of god and religion.
It's important, in a way, to separate those two issues. It is possible
for a non-religious person to believe that the universe was created by
some intelligence. This begs the question of where this intelligence
came from, but that is beside the point. It is one thing to argue
against a religion, to point out the contradictions of a system of
belief, or to showcase its benefits or cruelties.
But god? Can you argue against the existence of god? Not really. Nor
can you argue for it. It's not really an arguing sort of thing. The
non-believer asks, "Why would you believe that?" and the believer
responds simply that he does. Either you have this vague feeling that
such an entity exists, or you don't. A lot of this has to do with what
you've been taught, especially in your childhood. Muslims tend to have
Muslim children. Christians have Christian children. Hindus have Hindu
children.
You may have been frightened in to your belief. You may have been
bribed. You may have had a miraculous or mind-numbing experience that
you simply couldn't chalk up to coincidence or explain logically. Maybe
you get that tingling feeling like I get when the Millennium Falcon
shows up at then end of Episode IV. Maybe you've just heard the same
thing over and over again so many times that you just started believing it.
If you believe in a god, then there's no logical argument that can
change your mind. I've seen many religious people turn non-religious.
It's very rarely logic that does it, because religion is not a logical
binding. Religion is an emotional, social binding created in a
community (go ahead, look up the etymology). We can talk about the
infeasibility of Noah's Ark all we want. That won't convince anyone of
anything they didn't already believe. Religion is left behind when it
no longer satisfies one's emotions. Some change religions, others leave
it altogether. Our society, we can plainly see from statistics, is
generally trending toward the latter.
This doesn't stop atheists, especially the recently dereligionized, from
making long lists of logical problems with their former systems of
belief. They seek reassurance and demonstrate shock at their former
states just like anyone else going through a sudden change of emotional
balance. How could I have stayed with that girl/guy so long? How could
I have believed in astrology? Why was I smoking cigarettes all my life?
Look how foolish I was!
So religions can be argued, point by point. But god? You can't really
argue about it. You won't be able to prove it one way or another. You
either feel it or you don't.
Greg.
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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* Humour *
**********
[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
[Disclaimer: The Humour Section may contain content that includes dirty
words, adult situations and jokes that make fun of politicians. Viewer
discretion is advised. --Ed.]
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Job Posting Lingo
=================
Thanks to Linda G.'s Recline-o-matic Whirligig
COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:
We have no time to train you.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.
MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED:
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Expected to work most nights and weekends.
DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:
We have no quality control.
CAREER-MINDED:
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
APPLY IN PERSON:
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
NO PHONE CALLS, PLEASE:
We've filled the job already; our call for resumes is just a legal
formality.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES TEAM-LEADERSHIP SKILLS:
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates; you listen, figure out what they want and then
do it.
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Resume Lingo
============
Thanks to Linda G.'s House Of Fudd
I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:
I've used Microsoft Office.
I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:
I pilfer office supplies.
MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:
I blame others for my mistakes.
I'M PERSONABLE:
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice.
I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:
I carry a Day-Timer.
I AM ADAPTABLE:
I've changed jobs a lot.
I AM ON THE GO:
I'm never at my desk.
I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta' here.
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* General Info *
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Contact the NUTS Committee:
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/ (within Alcatel-Lucent)
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