Hot off the digital press, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Term XLIV, Issue 02 (#230)
Weather outlook:
Sausages.
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* Contents *
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- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
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* Editor's Blurb *
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Hey all
I can't believe it's the middle of May already. It seems like just
yesterday it was one day ago. And we've got no time around here to
waste on pointless diatribes from the Editor. Well, not this week
anyway. Mostly because it's getting late and thinking of funny stuff to
write is hard work.
Until next time,
Due to lack of interest, tomorrow is cancelled.
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
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* Ongoing Events *
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[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
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Pool League
===========
Mondays
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/index.html#Monday
Contact: Dave and Michael (pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
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Indoor Rock Climbing
====================
Thursdays
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/index.html#Thursday
Contact: Andrew (akpallek$hotmail.com)
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* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
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I feel like writing about feminism today.
When I was growing up, I remember hating the feminist movement. There
was a counteracting movement which said that feminism had gone so far
that men were being victimized. It was helped along by the few
ridiculous women who would scold men for holding doors open (there was a
teacher in my high school who did that) or write articles in newspapers
which opened with "Hey, men! Rape is wrong!".
If you were to look around now, you would be hard pressed to find any
sign of any feminist movement at all. If you don't believe me, take a
walk around Bayshore and look in the "La Senza girl" store (but don't
look too long, you perv). Yeah. Part of the feminist ideal was that
women would not have to turn themselves in to objects. That clearly
isn't working as our society is now encouraging twelve year old girls to
tart themselves up like 19 year olds in bars.
Women still aren't paid as much as men. They still get laid off more
easily. And if they're of child bearing age, they still have difficulty
finding jobs.
With all that in mind, one might argue that the feminist movement has
failed.
Stalled, perhaps, but I don't think it has really failed.
To demonstrate this, you only have to look at the differences in the way
that we will raise our children relative to how we were raised. How
many of us are going to be telling our sons and daughters that women
don't have mathematical and spatial skills? A lot fewer, I think.
Fewer of us are taking religion seriously, so we may soon see the end of
that "man is the head of woman" nonsense that the church has been
spewing for centuries. We've pretty much stopped telling our sons that
"only girls cry" when they're hurt.
If I wanted to go on, I'm sure I could. There are probably dozens, or
hundreds, of tiny little changes that have been brought in to our
society by the feminist movement. It was unfortunate that so many women
went overboard, providing such excellent fodder for the guns of the
established boys club that runs the conservative media. Regardless of
all that, however, our awareness of our own biases has increased, and
the feminist movement has changed all of our perceptions.
This isn't to say that more can't be done. As mentioned above, the
workplace is still not the equal opportunity place it could be. Nor,
I'm sure, is the classroom. But today there is no vocal feminist
movement. There are no protests, no one leading the struggle. The
girls who ought to be at the forefront are too busy being told that the
most important thing they can do is dress like Britney Spears (*). And
they're listening.
Greg.
(*) Well, before she went all crazy
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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* Humour *
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[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
[Disclaimer: The Humour Section may contain content that includes dirty
words, adult situations and jokes that make fun of politicians. Viewer
discretion is advised. --Ed.]
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Te^tes a` Claques
===============
I've been told that this is funny, but rude stuff... but my Quebec
slang ain't up to snuff, so you're going to have to let me know if this
passes the mustard or not.
http://www.tetesaclaques.com/
(Warning: Apparently contains inappropriate humour... in French)
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W With The Queen
================
At his meeting with Queen Elizabeth, George W. Bush turned to the Queen
and said: "As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how my great
country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom."
The Queen replied "I'm sorry Mr. Bush, but to be a Kingdom, you have to
have a King in charge -- and you're not a King."
George Bush thought a while and then said: "How about a Principality then?"
To which the Queen replied "Again, to be a Principality you have to be a
Prince -- and you're not a Prince, Mr. Bush."
George thought long and hard and came up with "How about an Empire then?"
The Queen, getting a little annoyed by now, replied "Sorry again, Mr.
Bush, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge -- and you
are not an Emperor."
Before George W could utter another word, The Queen said: "I think
you're doing quite nicely as a Country."
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Office Rules
============
Thanks to Linda G.'s Slacker Express
1. Never walk without a document in your hands
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees
heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look
like they're heading for the canteen. People with a newspaper in their
hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you
carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false
impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual
observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally
have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These
aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer
revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When
you get caught by your boss -- and you *will* get caught -- your best
defence is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus
saving valuable training expenses.
3. Keep a messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it
looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents
around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same
as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If
you know somebody is coming to your desk, bury the document you'll need
halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when they arrive.
4. Use voice mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you
just because they want to give you something for nothing -- they call
because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live.
Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice
mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during
lunch hour when you know they're not there -- it looks like you're
hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.
5. Look impatient and annoyed
Always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the
impression that you are always busy.
6. Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around.
You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read
but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the
boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours
(e.g. 11:35 pm, 6:05 am, etc.) and during public holidays.
7. Use creative sighing for effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression
that you are under extreme pressure.
8. Use stacking strategies
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of
books on the floor, etc. Thick computer manuals are the best.
9. Build vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new
products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses.
Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you will
sound impressive.
10. Have two jackets
If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket
draped over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you
are still on the premises. The second jacket should be worn while
swanning around elsewhere.
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* General Info *
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Contact the NUTS Committee:
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/ (within Alcatel-Lucent)
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