Just when you thought it was safe to crawl back into the oven, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Term XLIII, Issue 9 (#228)
Weather outlook:
Don't let your guard down.
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* Contents *
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- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
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* Editor's Blurb *
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Hey all
Here we are coming up to the end of April... and what does that mean?
That's right, Daylight Savings Time is just around the corner. Well,
even if we didn't have three extra weeks of DST this year that statement
would still be off by a couple of weeks at least.
[Much time passes...]
I was hoping to squeeze a little bit more shenanigans into the intro
blurb this week, but it's nearing in on midnight and that means it's
almost drinking time. So I'll see you suckers next week!
Until next time,
Why does the universe mock me so?
Michael (nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
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* Ongoing Events *
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[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
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Pool League
===========
Mondays
STARTS AGAIN IN MAY
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/index.html#Monday
Contact: Dave and Michael (pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
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Indoor Rock Climbing
====================
Thursdays
Contact: Andrew (akpallek$hotmail.com)
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* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
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DTK
The truth is finally coming out.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20070424.wdetaineesreax24/BNStory/Front
Technically, we're only seeing allegations. What matters, however, is
that the media is taking the allegations seriously.
It begins with a report gathered from interviews with detainees in
Afghanistan -- prisoners who were captured by Canadian Forces and turned
over to the local Afghan authorities. By the Geneva Convention, it is
the responsibility of the capturing party to ensure that the prisoners
are treated humanely. This includes the disposition of such prisoners
when they are transferred to other parties.
The detainees describe extensive, months-long beatings. Electrocution
is apparently acceptable, as is whipping, caning and a variety of other
methods of torture. An Afghan police officer confides that one simply
can't get answers out of prisoners without at least a little torture.
Indeed.
At first, our Minister of Defence was adamant that if any kind of
torture was going on, the Red Cross would have told us. That lasted up
until the Red Cross explained that, in fact, they would do no such
thing. How embarrassing for the Rt. Hon. Gordon O'Connor. The
government's defence is now changed. Stephen Harper flails away,
stalling, saying that these are only "allegations." Stockwell Day says,
hey, take it easy, human rights are new to Afghanistan. I was listening
to the evening news and heard a government spokesman say that, according
to reports received from Afghanistan, no torture has ever taken place.
Let's take those in order.
We've long passed by the "just allegations" phase. The stories coming
out are numerous and credible. On top of that, we have word that
Afghanistan's own governmental body for monitoring human right is
actually prevented from observing the prisoners. Mr. Harper, it's not
that we have "allegations", it's that the people who could confirm or
deny these allegations are intentionally locked out. What does that
tell you?
For more information on how well that argument holds up, read here...
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20070424.wdetaineereport0425/BNStory/Front
Next, Stockwell Day's assertion that we should cut the Afghans some
slack because human rights are "new to this part of the world" is
ridiculous and beside the point. If this government knows that there's
so little respect for human rights, that makes them *more* culpable for
blindly handing over prisoners, not less.
And lastly... "no torture" has ever taken place? That defies
explanation. In what world would anyone even dream of telling such an
obvious lie. Do you expect me to believe that any agency or human
rights body would ever make such a claim about any prison? No torture
has ever taken place. Indeed.
I said it before -- weeks ago, in fact -- these are war crimes. And
these war crimes fall on all of our heads.
They're calling for the resignation of the Minister of Defence, Gordon
O'Connor, both for initially misleading Parliament and for allowing this
all to happen. But it can't stop there. The culpability goes far
beyond one man. Why are we in Afghanistan? If we have to torture
people to get our way, who is to say that we're the good guys? What is
our real motivation for being there? This isn't just Gordon O'Connor.
This is Stephen Harper and the Conservatives and Paul Martin and the
Liberals and anyone else who has ever voted in favour of it.
Why are we there? Why do we have to torture people to "win"?
Greg.
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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* Humour *
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[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
[Disclaimer: The Humour Section may contain content that includes dirty
words, adult situations and jokes that make fun of politicians. Viewer
discretion is advised. --Ed.]
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Looking For Directions
======================
Thanks to Linda G.'s World Of... Blank
A Swiss man is looking for directions, and he pulls up at a bus stop
where two Americans are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, konnen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two
Americans just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. They continue to stare.
"Praat julle Afrikaans?" The Americans just look at each other.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.
Disgusted, the Swiss guy drives off.
One American guy turns to other and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn
a foreign language."
"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew five languages and it didn't do
him no good either."
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Truths
======
Thanks to Linda G.'s Incendiary Comedy Grenade
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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* General Info *
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Contact the NUTS Committee:
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/ (within Alcatel-Lucent)
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