Made of sugar and spice and everything groovy, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Term XLIII, Issue 7 (#226)
Weather outlook:
It's quiet. Too quiet.
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* Contents *
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- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
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* Editor's Blurb *
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Hey all
It took me about twenty minutes to determine that anyone reading the
introduction this week looking for something both interesting and funny
is going to have to skip straight to the Humour section. So why prolong
the agony?
Possibly because some people are masochists.
Until next time,
It takes a special kind of criminal sociopath to pull off a maroon
velvet cape.
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
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* Ongoing Events *
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[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
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Pool League
===========
Mondays
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/index.html#Monday
Contact: Dave and Michael (pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
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Indoor Rock Climbing
====================
Thursdays
Contact: Andrew (akpallek$hotmail.com)
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* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
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The Conservative Party released their budget this past Monday and the
initial, superficial reports boded very well. There are tax incentives
for people with children, tax incentives for fuel efficient vehicles,
tax levies for people buying inefficient vehicles.
There is a promise that some debt will be paid off, although it's hard
to be sure. Budgets are always dependant on economic forecasts. The
government can not be certain, today, how the economy of Canada will
fair this year. Given that tax collection is dependant on the economy,
the government also can't be sure how much revenue it will collect.
To examine the budget, however, you actually have to delve in to it's
hundreds of pages. The first thing I went looking for were the
incentives and levies for fuel efficiency and I found what I thought I'd
find. The amount of money you get back is dependant upon the type of
vehicle you're buying. If you go for an economy car, you'll need to get
better that 6.6 L/100 km to get any rebate at all. If you purchase a
minivan, SUV or "light" truck, you can still get the full $2000 rebate
even if you only get 7.3 L/100 km. As for the "levy" for inefficient
vehicles, it doesn't kick in until 13.0 L/100 km and -- get this --
doesn't apply to trucks.
So if you'd like to buy a very large, very inefficient truck, just make
sure it's full-sized rather than "light" and you escape the green levy.
There are some good things in there. The bits about cleaning up
polluted lakes and stiffening environmental regulations and enforcing
those regulations seem to be real. As well, I can't find any fault with
the plan to make sure that getting a job is always a better solution
than staying on welfare. To my surprise, this doesn't involve cutting
welfare - which I would expect from Conservatives - but instead offers
an Income Tax Benefit to low-income earners. It's only $500, but at
least it's applied correctly.
The surprise, at least to me, is how non-Conservative the budget is. I
expected larger corporate tax cuts, more "stickin' it to the poor" type
stuff. Really, though, that's the type of budget one gets from a
majority Conservative budget. Instead, we're getting the budget that
the Conservatives think they can get through, knowing they need the
support of other, non-conservative members of parliament.
The NDP make the point that the budget provisions for RESPs are not the
same as getting tuition lower. I quite agree. RESPs help people with
money save for their children's education. It doesn't help poorer
people at all. But education has always been the province of the
provincial governments, so where can we go with that complaint? If you
go to the Liberal's website, you'll see that there's pretty much nothing
on the subject of the budget. They have little to complain about.
There's little difference between the two parties - at least
economically - so this is basically the budget they would have passed
for their wealthy donors if the Conservatives hadn't done it anyway.
Is the budget great? I can't tell, because it's a 500 page document and
I don't have that much time. But what I've seen, well, it looks as if a
minority government was forced to do some approximation of the people's
bidding. I guess we'll have to take it.
Greg.
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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* Humour *
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[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
[Disclaimer: The Humour Section may contain content that includes dirty
words, adult situations and jokes that make fun of politicians. Viewer
discretion is advised. --Ed.]
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Dictionary For Decoding Women's Personal Ads
============================================
Thanks to Linda G.'s Magical Bus Tours To Nowhere In Particular
40-ish....................... 49
Adventurous.................. Slept with everyone
Athletic..................... No breasts
Average looking.............. Moooo
Beautiful.................... Pathological liar
Emotionally Secure........... On medication
Feminist..................... Fat
Free spirit.................. Junkie
Friendship first............. Former slut
Large frame.................. Hugely Fat
Old-fashioned................ No BJs
Open-minded.................. Desperate
Outgoing..................... Loud and embarrassing
Professional................. Bitch
Voluptuous................... Very Fat
Wants Soul mate.............. Stalker
Dictionary For Decoding Men's Personal Ads
==========================================
40-ish....................... 59
Adventurous.................. Slept with everything (including the
neighbour's dog and my ex wife's shower
cap)
Athletic..................... I spend three hours a day in front of
mirror flexing my non biceps and twitching
my boob 'pecks' along to various Tom Jones
tunes
Average looking.............. Danni Divito's body with Woody Allan's
face
Cuddly....................... Fat
Handsome..................... Personal ad was written by his mother
Emotionally secure........... Still married
In favour of woman's rights.. Pathological liar
Free spirit.................. Open relationships wanted
Friendship first............. Small penis
Large frame.................. Bed bound
New-Age...................... I'll try anything
Old-fashioned................ Male chauvinistic pig
Open-minded.................. Any age/any sex
Outgoing..................... I will talk/drink/shag anyone under the
table
Wants soul mate.............. Middle aged virgin
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Dictionary For Decoding Women's English
=======================================
Thanks to Linda G.'s World Of Bacon
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
about?
Dictionary For Decoding Men's English
=====================================
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
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* General Info *
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Contact the NUTS Committee:
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/ (within Alcatel-Lucent)
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