Sounding a lot like supernatural baloney, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Term XLIII, Issue 1 (#220)
Weather outlook:
Make it stop.
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* Contents *
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- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
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* Editor's Blurb *
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Hey all
Welcome to what has instantly transmogrified into a special combination
"Last of 2006/First of 2007" issue of the "now heading toward
mediocrity" Juice and Gin! This specially-bestowed status is primarily
due to the fact that this issue was originally intended to waft across
inner space in late December instead of early January. But now you get
two for the price of three as is usually the case in these types of
scams. Hopefully the last DTK of 2006 isn't already out of date by now.
But you never know with kids now-a-days, with their Moby Grape and
electric toothbrushes.
Look out for some housekeeping activities in the next few weeks around
here at J&G HQ as we continue to spread the love.
Also remember that the Pool League and Indoor Rock Climbing are starting
up next week, so here's another chance to get in on the ground floor.
And before we leave it at that for this week, he's a little Fun Fact:
Helen of Troy is widely known as "the face that launched a thousand
ships." Thus, 1 millihelen is the amount of beauty needed to launch a
single ship.
Now you know. Not that you wanted to, but there you go.
Until next time,
Hubert doesn't start with "S"!
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
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* Ongoing Events *
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[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
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Pool League
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Mondays, returning January 08, 2007
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/index.html#Monday
Contact: Dave and Michael (pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
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Indoor Rock Climbing
====================
Thursdays, returning January 11, 2007
Contact: Andrew (akpallek$hotmail.com)
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* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
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I'm honoured, really, and I thank you everyone who nominated me for this
award:
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1569514,00.html?aid=434&from=o&to=http%3A//www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0%2C9171%2C1569514%2C00.html
I'd like to thank my mother, who was always there for me, my agent and,
of course, the Lord, for making me the man I am.
But, with some regret, I'm afraid I must decline Time's nomination of Me
as Person of the Year.
I never thought I'd ever feel the need to decline an award. There
aren't very many awards, in general, about which I feel so negatively
that I'd find it incumbent upon myself to decline them on principle.
Since I'm not in line for any knighthoods, I rather assumed the subject
would never come up.
First of all, the award is really lame. As cool as all of those
youtube.com videos are, I don't think anyone deserves an award for
putting content on the Internet. This would be akin to offering every
lunatic on the street an award for drooling and hurling invective at
passers by. Entertaining? Possibly. Award-winning? Doubtful. I
think the threshold for distinction ought to be somewhere a bit beyond
"making noise in public".
On to point number two. The mainstream media being as it is, I prefer
any number of alternative sources for my news. I also appreciate the
power of all of those miniature video cameras out there, showing when
the LAPD taser down their latest minority. But really, have all those
in the alternative media, all of those bloggers and indies, really
managed to affect mainstream opinion in any significant way? What
percentage of Americans still think WMD were found in Iraq? What
percentage still think Saddam had anything to do with Al Qaida and
9/11? What percentage of Canadians even know that we knocked over a
democratic government in Haiti or that the lion's share of our money
spent in Afghanistan is spent on destruction rather than construction?
I don't think "we" deserve such an award when we're so clearly failing
to reach the public with such simple facts.
The third point is the simplest. Though the people at Time are the
ultimate arbiters of who receives their award, it's supposed to go to
the single person who has the largest affect on the news. To pretend
that all those bloggers out there had more impact on Time Magazine's
coverage than Bush, Rumsfeld, Bin Laden or any number of other people is
pure pandering.
So, on two counts of "lame" and one count of "not good enough", I'm
afraid I must decline Time Magazine's nomination as Person of the Year.
Greg.
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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* Humour *
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[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
[Disclaimer: The Humour Section may contain content that includes dirty
words, adult situations and jokes that make fun of politicians. Viewer
discretion is advised. --Ed.]
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Business Plans
==============
Thanks to Andrew P.
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist
complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked
how long it took him to catch them.
"Not very long," answered the Mexican.
"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the
American.
The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his
needs and those of his family.
The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta
with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends,
have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs... I have a
full life."
The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help
you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell
the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger
boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a
second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of
trawlers.
"Instead of selling your fish to a middleman, you can negotiate directly
with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can
then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or
even New York City! From there you can direct your huge enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.
"And after that?"
"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the
American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start
selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?"
"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the
coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a
siesta, and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends!"
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* General Info *
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Contact the NUTS Committee:
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/ (for people within Alcatel)
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