The superhero bought and paid for by the banana industry, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Term XLII, Issue 09 (#218)
Weather outlook:
All jank, all the time.
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* Contents *
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- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
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* Editor's Blurb *
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Hey all
It's funny how these things work out. This edition of the Juice and Gin
was prepped and ready to go on the weekend, being one of those special
"only a half-a-week late" editions. But due to several factors -- not
the least of which involved an army of angry monkeys -- the whole thing
fell into the vast wasteland that is "tomorrow." And since (as I've
heard) tomorrow never knows, it got pushed back (read: dumped) right
into the middle of the next week (read: now).
In any event, here it is, in all it's half-assed glory. Hopefully the
content isn't too out of date. Fingers crossed, kiddies!
And before we head into the vast wasteland of content, a very happy
shout-out to our newest Juice and Gin reader: Bryce G. Hats off to the
3.1 kg, 49 cm tyke. Oh, and a special nod to Linda G. for doing all the
hard work to make the magic happen.
Until next time,
How many people here have telekinesis? Raise my hand.
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
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* Ongoing Events *
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[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
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Pool League
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Mondays
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/index.html#Monday
Contact: Dave and Michael (pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
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Indoor Rock Climbing
====================
Thursdays
Contact: Andrew (akpallek$hotmail.com)
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* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
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Every year, around Remembrance Day, I usually write a piece about peace.
When I learnt about Remembrance Day, as a child, there were always two
important lessons.
The first is that a lot of people -- millions, in fact -- had sacrificed
their lives or had their lives sacrificed, in the name of protecting the
freedoms we have today. We have a duty to remember those people. While
there is a debate as to which wars were really fought for noble causes,
this does not detract from the sacrifice these people /intended/ to make.
The second lesson always was this: never again. This is a lesson we
can learn whatever it is that we believe about the real causes of the
World Wars and all the wars since. This is a lesson taught directly
from the butchery of all those sacrificed on all of the false altars
that lead us to war. Whether that altar is called the "Fatherland" or
the "Queen" or "democracy", we are supposed to have learnt by now that
any resort to war is a failure on our part. It is failure on the part
of us, the human beings living on this planet, to properly honour and
remember those who have suffered the horrors of all previous wars.
We've been slaughtering each other for millennia. With the advent of
civilization, we were supposed to smarten up and stop this nonsense.
Somehow, though, we fail. We let every manner of thing steer us to
violence against one other.
Sometimes it's religion. Sometimes it's a crucial resource. Sometimes
it's patriotism. It's almost always someone with a lot of power wanting
more, whether that person be priest, nationalist or power baron.
We the people, however, have an obligation to see through the lies. The
people of Germany had an obligation to realize that Poland wasn't
amassing an army to attack them, and certainly an obligation to realize
the lie afterwards when it took but three days to conquer that country.
The people of Israel and Palestine have an obligation to realize that
four thousand year old bloody histories don't entitle them to each
other's land. The people of Canada and the United States have an
obligation to realize when their patriotism is being manipulated to
seize the oil, land and cheap labour of other nations.
That, to me, is the meaning of Remembrance Day: the obligation to
remember the horror of war and to see through the lies that caused it in
the past so as to prevent them in the future.
Greg.
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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* Humour *
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[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
[Disclaimer: The Humour Section may contain content that includes dirty
words, adult situations and jokes that make fun of politicians. Viewer
discretion is advised. --Ed.]
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Potapych: The Bear Who Loved Vodka
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http://www.cleverlikeamonkey.com/potapych/index.html
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Soap Commercial
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A girl finds some soap in the woods that turns her into a slut.
(It's really not as dirty as you think.)
http://mirror.video.blip.tv/RightHanded-LuxProvocateur237.mp4
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Days Of Our Wild Wilderness
===========================
Thanks to Greg G. @ Alcatel
I've never been a soap opera fan, but I have been hooked on 'Days of Our
Lives' this week. Why? Because the city of Ottawa has been part of the
plot line!
Here's the recent week's 'Days of Our Lives' Ottawa story-line, and I am
not embellishing in any way:
A woman by the name of Kayla was exposed to poison gas in a hospital,
and the only doctor with the serum to save her life lives in Ottawa, BUT
WAIT, there's *a huge blizzard* in the *lower provinces of Canada*, so
all commercial planes have been grounded, including all planes in
Ottawa, which of course is located in the lower provinces of Canada.
So a pilot named John volunteers to fly his private jet to Ottawa to get
the serum to save Kayla's life, snow storm or not!!! Away he goes, with
his girlfriend Marlena along for the ride, flying through the blizzard
until, ENGINE FAILURE!!! The plane is going down!!!!
Marlena thinks that the plane will be OK if the load is lightened, so
she JUMPS from the plane on the way to Ottawa, and lands on the snow
somewhere near Ottawa!! A distraught John the pilot continues on, lands
safely in Ottawa, and gets the serum! Meanwhile, his girlfriend Marlena
is lost in the wilds of Ottawa!!
Back home, Marlena's daughter is horrified that her mother is missing!
How can her mother survive the '*THIRTY FEET OF SNOW and temperatures
below zero*', she exclaims!!
John the pilot flies back home with the serum, saves Kayla's life, but
still no sign of Marlena. As luck would have it, a man in a big parka
stumbles across an unconscious Marlena in thirty feet of snow in the
wilds around Ottawa, and takes her back to his cabin!! Marlena awakes,
make-up and hair perfect!
As luck would have it, the man in the parka is none other than Smokey
Robinson! One of Marlena's favourite singers! He gives her food,
bandages up her sprained ankle (after all, she did jump from a plane)
and then he sings a couple of songs!
Saved by Smokey Robinson, who happens to have a cabin in the wild near
Ottawa! Wow!! 'Days of Our Lives' just became my favourite show of all
time.
[Is there anything Smokey Robinson can't do? --Ed.]
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* General Info *
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Contact the NUTS Committee:
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/ (for people within Alcatel)
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