Respectfully dedicated to Mogo the Bat-Ape, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Term XLII, Issue 07 (#216)
Weather outlook:
Sweet, sweet jank.
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* Contents *
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- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
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* Editor's Blurb *
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Hey all
Happy Hallowe'en yesterday! Hope everyone is recovering from the sugar
and chocolate and enjoying All Saint's Day today and All Soul's Day on
Thursday. Of course you are, you heathen, pagan monkeys.
After spending a good thirty minutes reading about Hallowe'en traditions
on Wikipedia in order to inject some interesting trivia into this week's
introduction, I've decided that you might as well head over there to
plough through the information yourself.
This would serve two purposes:
1) You would learn something about this peculiar tradition, and
2) It gets me out of having to think of anything original to fill up the
introduction this week.
And nothing says "I care" like shirking responsibility.
Until next time,
Not bad for a guy in his jim-jams.
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
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* Ongoing Events *
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[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
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Pool League
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Mondays
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/index.html#Monday
Contact: Dave and Michael (pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
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Indoor Rock Climbing
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Thursdays
Contact: Andrew (akpallek$hotmail.com)
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* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
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The DTK, much like the Canadian military, is stuck on the subject of
Afghanistan.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20061031.wxafghanfraser31/BNStory/Afghanistan/home
It's hard to find polite words to describe what I think of this
particular Canadian General. "On his way out, fortunately" only covers
some of my feelings.
He claims that (quoting the article) more Canadian soldiers will be
killed but the cost in blood must be paid in Afghanistan unless
Canadians want to fight Islamic/ /jihadists at home. "I don't want my
sons to be doing what I'm doing here on the shores of Canada", he said.
Really? Do you really believe that we'll have Islamic radicals landing
en masse in Vancouver if we pull our troops out of Afghanistan? Perhaps
he's speaking figuratively.
I can't see any reason for the fanatical members of the religion of
Islam to hate Canada or Canadians. Well, wait a minute. I can think of
one reason: we keep killing hordes of their civilians in Afghanistan.
Bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, then, isn't it? What he really means
to say, in that case, is, "We'd better *continue* killing their
civilians here, or they'll get their act together and come get us."
Doesn't have the same fiery rhetorical punch, though, does it?
How about this line: "Canadians should actually do something very
un-Canadian-like and pound their chests and be proud and tell everyone,
because all the other nations down here are talking about Canada."
Um, yeah. Look, Brigadier-General David Fraser, I don't know what part
of Canada you're from, but we really don't do the "our military is
awesome" chest beating thing around here. We're proud of a lot of
things, nation wide, and our military certainly has a proud history in
many theatres of operations. But we aren't the "chest-beating" types.
You may be thinking of some other country - perhaps with envy. But even
our Americans neighbours had to fire Jay Garner when he made the same
"let's beat our chests" comment with respect to killing lots of people
in Iraq.
I can only hope that the same fate awaits David Fraser. The last thing
we need in the Canadian military are generals making public statement
about how proud they are to kill people. Yes, it's your job. Yes, you
should be proud of your work. But you also have to acknowledge that
killing people is nothing to beat your chest about and really indicates
that somewhere, someone has royally screwed up.
The General is also irked that the twenty million that has been spent on
reconstruction and development in Afghanistan is being ignored by the
media. Well, General, there's a reason for that. It's because the
government has stated that the military mission over the next couple of
years is going to cost over three *billion* dollars. It's a relative
thing. When destruction outspends construction by two orders of
magnitude, it tends to take precedence in the news.
Lastly, to rub it all in, we bring in the bit about how we're really
"peacekeeping". No, General, we're building an oil pipeline. Your
right wing rhetoric notwithstanding.
If you really wanted to keep peace, the first thing to do is stop making
war.
Greg.
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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* Humour *
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[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
[Disclaimer: The Humour Section may contain content that includes dirty
words, adult situations and jokes that make fun of politicians. Viewer
discretion is advised. --Ed.]
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New Neighbours
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Thanks to Linda G.'s Comedy Showcase And Plankton Hut
A successful business man became disenchanted with the stress of the
fast life in the big city and decides to chuck it all. He takes his
savings and purchases a large ranch in the middle of nowhere. After a
couple of months of enjoying the solitude he hears the drumming of hoof
beats outside his cabin.
Grabbing his rifle he challenges the man riding up on the horse.
"Hold it neighbour," the man says. "I'm your neighbour, I have a ranch
only six kilometres from here, and I want to invite you to a Welcome
Party I'm throwing for you next Saturday. There's going to be music,
dancing, hugging, kissing, drinking, fighting... We'll have a great
time!"
Not wanting to be unneighbourly the new rancher lowers the rifle and
says, "Sounds fun. How should I dress?"
"Aw, don't matter," replied the neighbour. "Only gonna be the two of us."
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* General Info *
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Contact the NUTS Committee:
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/ (for people within Alcatel)
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