Solving mysteries with a time-travelling monkey and a guitar-playing
squirrel, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Term XLII, Issue 05 (#214)
Weather outlook:
Sweet mother of pearl... rain.
************
* Contents *
************
- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
******************
* Editor's Blurb *
******************
Hey all
Through no fault of our own, the Juice and Gin has strangely settled
into a new bi-weekly publication schedule. And seeing as how no one is
really complaining (can't somebody just throw a chair for old time's
sake?) it looks like we'll stick with this for the next little while.
Which is good since we really don't have content like we used to. Ah,
those were the days.
Until next time,
Do not trust *anybody* wearing the Beard Of Evil.
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
******************
* Ongoing Events *
******************
[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pool League
===========
Mondays
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/index.html#Monday
Contact: Dave and Michael (pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indoor Rock Climbing
====================
Thursdays
Contact: Andrew (akpallek$hotmail.com)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
******************************
* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
******************************
It's funny how a man's definition of luxury can change over time. At
one point, it involved liquor, a tiled dance floor and the phrase "every
night is ladies' night." These days, two consecutive nights of
uninterrupted sleep clocks in at pretty much the peak of my Epicurean
fantasies.
Admittedly, I'm having trouble figuring out what to rant about. Our
federal finance minister has declared that "Canadians are taxed too
much" and plans to cut our taxes. He claims that people stay on welfare
because they pay too much taxes if they go back to work. I'd like to
see him substantiate that somehow. It seems to me that people who earn
small amounts of money pay very little tax at all. Then he switches to
talking about how important it is to cut capital gains taxes and
corporate taxes.
Why is it that people who work for a living are expected to pay taxes
while people who merely live on the interest and investment of massive
amounts of inheritance money somehow believe that they shouldn't have to
pay taxes? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't we be
rewarding work and productivity over investment? But remember, for all
the talk of Bob Rae amassing a deficit in Ontario, Bob Rae did it in a
recession. It was our present federal finance minister, when his party
was running Ontario's finances, that managed to increase that debt while
in an economic boom -- all while halving corporate taxes and cutting
services like education and health care.
I hate to say "I told you so," but I did. Wait for the federal deficit
to replace the surplus.
In other news, British PM Tony Blair was in town to tell us how Canada
and the U.K. must forge a new partnership/friendship/relationship. This
new association will be based on our mutual efforts in the war on
terrorism and our mutual association with the United States.
Uh... yeah. Good luck with that line of reasoning, Tony. People in
Canada are beginning to disapprove of the Afghanistan mission. We find
the "war on terror" quite dubious. People in your own country gave up
on Iraq a long time ago. Too bad none of us are actually living in
democracies. Then we might have peace, and wouldn't that be boring.
Should I mention that ridiculous big deal made over the "anti-Israeli"
comments made by Liberal leadership hopeful Michael Ignatieff?
Apparently he had the nerve to refer to the relentless cluster-bombing
of civilian areas of Lebanon as a "war crime." Goodness. How dare he?
Israel is an ally of Western powers and has white skinned, European
types running its government. Those sorts of people only cause
"regrettable civilian collateral damage." War crimes are committed by
other people (terrorists, people we don't like, people who don't play
ball with Wall Street, brownish people wearing turbans etc.).
The real crapfest is the fact that Ignatieff appears to be saying one
thing to a pro-Lebanon francophone crowd in Quebec while saying
something else to an anglophone crowd in Toronto. If that's really
what's going on, then he deserves all the splatter off the ventilation
he's getting, even if it's misdirected.
Enough ranting.
Greg.
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
**********
* Humour *
**********
[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
[Disclaimer: The Humour Section may contain content that includes dirty
words, adult situations and jokes that make fun of politicians. Viewer
discretion is advised. --Ed.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Music And Science Collide
==============================
Thanks to Greg G. @ Alcatel
http://www.coverpop.com/whitney/index.php
(Seriously hypnotic)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nerd Population Control
=======================
Thanks to Linda G.'s Industrial Comedy Bucket
A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a
beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying
"Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!"
He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs,
says, "You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?"
The truck driver says, "I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the
computers I am hauling."
The bartender says, "Okay, truck drivers are not nerds," and serves him
a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape
around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and
pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without
saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.
The truck driver said, totally shocked, "Why did you do that?"
The bartender said, "Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon
Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license."
The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads
back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the
load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over
the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up
the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers
wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.
He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened
in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling
several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up
and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."
"Well, sure," said the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
****************
* General Info *
****************
Contact the NUTS Committee:
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/ (for people within Alcatel)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2001, 2006 N.U.T.S. All rights reserved.