Followed around by the shadow of a fallen angel, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Term XLI, Issue 12 (#207)
Weather outlook:
Pleasant. Too pleasant.
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* Contents *
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- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
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* Editor's Blurb *
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Hey all
So the Juice and Gin took an unexpected extended holiday through no
fault of its editorial staff. But they did enjoy the extra time off.
Now back up to full speed, the staff noticed that there were no howls of
complaint during that extra week off. Perhaps that means we can sneak
in an occasional extra vacation week. Don't tempt us, foul temptress!
We can only be tempted so much.
In any event, the end of the term is nigh fast approaching. And that
really doesn't mean anything to most of the readership here, but I like
to point it out nevertheless. Mainly because it fills out the word
count. And nothing makes people happy like lots of extra crap to read.
Until next time,
He calls everyone Wesley. Don't know why!
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
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* Ongoing Events *
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[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
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Pool League
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Mondays
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/index.html#Monday
Contact: Dave and Michael (pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
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Indoor Rock Climbing
====================
Thursdays
Contact: Andrew (akpallek$hotmail.com)
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* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
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[Sorry, no DTK this week. Greg took an even more outrageous vacation
that the rest of the staff. For shame. Why didn't we think of that?
--Ed.]
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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* Humour *
**********
[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
[Disclaimer: The Humour Section may contain content that includes dirty
words, adult situations and jokes that make fun of politicians. Viewer
discretion is advised. --Ed.]
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The Lifespan
============
Thanks to Linda G.'s Neverending Comedy Vault
One day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your
house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will
give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten
years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
On the next day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do
tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life
span."
The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long
time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?" And
God agreed.
On the next day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the
field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves
and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you
a life span of sixty years."
The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty
years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" God agreed
again.
Then on the next day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play,
marry, and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty,
the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten
the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our
family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren. The last ten years, we sit on the front porch and
bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
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All About Timing
================
Thanks to Linda G.'s Comedy Paradise
A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on
the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, get me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled but brought him the beer. When he finished
it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start soon."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him another beer.
When it was gone, he said, "Quick, one more beer before it starts."
"That's it!" She blows her top! "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop
your fat ass down, don't even say 'hello' to me and then expect me to
run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and
wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed, "Oh shit, it's started."
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* General Info *
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Contact the NUTS Committee:
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/ (for people within Alcatel)
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Copyright (c) 2001, 2006 N.U.T.S. All rights reserved.