A dazzling spectacle of glitter, wrapped in sequins, wrapped in lies,
it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Term XLI, Issue 10 (#205)
Weather outlook:
Stupid humidity.
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* Contents *
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- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
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* Editor's Blurb *
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Hey all
Friday, Thursday, Wednesday, Tuesday... what's the difference really?
Just a bunch of letters letting you know how far you are away from the
weekend. And this time it's one day until party time. So really, you
should be thankful that you've received, at no extra cost to you, your
own personal time management and day subtraction system. And it's all
done with smoke [*1], mirrors, and highly trained midgets [*2].
[*1] Where there's smoke, there's LASERS!
[*2] Monkeys in diapers may be substituted pending midget availability
Until next time,
You put the "E" in "Stupid."
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
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* Ongoing Events *
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[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
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Pool League
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Mondays
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/index.html#Monday
Contact: Dave and Michael (pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
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Indoor Rock Climbing
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Thursdays
Contact: Andrew (akpallek$hotmail.com)
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* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
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So I finally saw the World Cup Head-butt. I don't see what the big deal
is. Italian guy pinches French guy's nipple (an action which, even for
those Euro men who occasionally kiss each other, is a bit much), swears
at him, gets head butted by the French guy. If it were hockey and the
you head butted a guy in the face, or while still wearing a helmet, it
would be pretty bad. But since it was just a head butt to the chest, in
response to some obvious provocation... hmph... five minutes, or maybe a
double minor. But I don't see a game misconduct over that.
Now, seriously, the rights to retaliation and self defence are very,
very important. When attacked, you have the right to defend yourself.
When attacked repeatedly, you have the right to take further action,
especially when authority is utterly failing you. I take this as an
axiom. Hell ... even Gandhi took it as an axiom that there could be
just wars. He'd just never seen one.
And so I turn, with all hopes that I can avoid being called an
anti-Semite, to the situation in Israel and Palestine. Israel has been
occupying Palestine for almost forty years. Israel has been placing
Israeli-only settlements inside those occupied territories, pushing out
Palestinians, pretty much ceaselessly for those forty years. Most
Israelis realize the settlements are a foolish, provocative idea that
does nothing to improve the prospects for peace with any of their
neighbours. Most realize the settlements will eventually have to be
dismantled, but the government goes on building and expanding them anyway.
Israel and Palestine have been killing each other's people for those
forty years. When the Israel military kills a civilian, our media calls
it "regrettable collateral damage". When the Palestinian militias kill
a civilian, or sometimes even a soldier, it is called "terrorism". The
difference is a matter of point of view. One stands assured that it
plays differently in Syria and Iran.
To get this straightened out and truly understand what's going on, an
easy check is to count dead people. In 2006, the Palestinian dead
number almost 300. The Israeli number, much more accurately, at 20 (at
the time of this writing). Yet our media go on pretending that the sole
guilt and blame lies with the Palestinians because they "support
terrorism" and "refuse to recognize Israel", when in actuality
"terrorism" is being committed on both sides, though Palestinians are
dying in greater numbers and both of the major organizations in
Palestine (Hamas and Fatah) have already agreed to recognize Israel.
Terrorism is the killing of civilians for political purposes. It
doesn't matter which side you agree with. Right now, the term
"terrorism" is being used to mean "violence of which we disapprove" or
maybe "violence done by people we don't like."
And so we come back to Zidane and the infamous Head Butt. The question
is this: how much is a guy supposed to accept before he fights back?
How many nipple pinches and ethnic slurs before we declare the Head Butt
appropriate?
On the other side, how many years of occupation should the Palestinians
have to endure before we graciously permit them the right to fight back
without being called terrorists? What is the expected reaction of the
Palestinians? What would you do if all you knew for your entire life
was an occupation by an authority that blockaded your roads, blew up
your power sources and cut your water at will? If you had a tiny
fraction of the military power of your occupier? The original
justification for the occupation was that the Palestinians were
dangerous terrorists, but all that the occupation has done is to create
more danger, more fear and more terror.
Yes, it would be wonderful if one hundred percent of the Palestinians
chose utterly peaceful methods of protest, but it's simply not a
realistic expectation of large numbers of human beings. As
unjustifiable as it is, it is just as predictable as a World Cup Head
Butt, when you get right down to it.
Greg.
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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* Humour *
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[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
[Disclaimer: The Humour Section may contain content that includes dirty
words, adult situations and jokes that make fun of politicians. Viewer
discretion is advised. --Ed.]
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The Perfect Couple
==================
Thanks to Linda G.'s Comedy Burrito
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a
perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was,
of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect
couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding
road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.
Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus
with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on
the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into
their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect
couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the
accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer...
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in
the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no
such thing as a perfect man.
Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.
Men keep'a scrollin'...
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman
must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car
accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this
illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.
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* General Info *
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Contact the NUTS Committee:
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/ (for people within Alcatel)
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Copyright (c) 2001, 2006 N.U.T.S. All rights reserved.