Choking on its own rage, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Term XL, Issue 13 (#190)
Weather outlook:
Sweet warmth.
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* Contents *
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- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- Classifieds
- General Info
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* Editor's Blurb *
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Hey all
Owing to the fact that I'm just in the middle of a mildly annoying head
cold, I've decided to cut the introduction short this week. So for once
I've got a good reason. Good enough, perhaps not.
But in the meantime, I'll leave our readership with this little gem:
Recently, I received a spam message that could possibly be the worst
piece of Internet marketing ever. Submitted for the prosecution is the
following header:
> Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2006 07:12:25 +0100
> From: blezzi@arrowheadatlakewhitney.com
> Subject: puke bargain
You don't know how long I've been waiting to get my hands on some
discount vomit.
Until next time,
It's not really a birthday dessert unless it's on fire.
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
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* Ongoing Events *
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[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
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Pool League
===========
Mondays
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/index.html#Monday
Contact: Dave and Michael (pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
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Indoor Rock Climbing
====================
Thursdays
Contact: Andrew (akpallek$hotmail.com)
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* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
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The French are in the middle of a nationwide strike.
Mock them if you wish (and you do wish, don't you?) but at least the
French public is actively aware of what's being done to it. At least
the French public tries to do something.
Not us. I remember that my German teacher in my second year of
University was on exchange from somewhere in northern Germany. When she
found out that tuitions were about to be deregulated, she was amazed
that we weren't all massing to protest at the nearest appropriate
government office. And by "all", she meant *all*: students; parents;
teachers; workers... everybody. All of these would have struck and
protested in Germany (where University tuition is apparently something
like $100/year).
But they have, in Europe, something we don't. They have a sense of
collectivism, a sense that the people who do the work ought to stick
together in order to make life better for everyone. So when the
government tried to pass a law making it easier to fire those under the
age of 26, it wasn't just the students and 25-year-olds who struck and
protested. The transit workers and five major federal unions struck
with them. Why? Because if the government is making it easier for the
corporations to fire 25-year-olds today, they'll probably be hitting the
older folk soon enough. It's a right-winger's wet dream: a disposable
work force. The populace has figured out, long ago, that it's important
to stick together.
We don't do that here. Many years ago, the Ontario government decided
to - well, let's be honest - attack some of its employees. These
specific employees were teachers. The government was reading in to law
a bill that would alter the teachers' contract and negotiating rights.
It would permit all sorts of things to be done to the education system
in Ontario. Since the bill was being passed outside of the normal
contract negotiation time, the teachers engaged in a "wildcat" strike.
If they had waited until contract negotiation to strike "legally", they
would have been screwed because the bill would already be passed,
limiting their ability to strike anyway. They went to the Ontario
chapter of CUPE, asking them to strike in support. It made sense.
Today the teachers, tomorrow the public servants. But CUPE wouldn't
strike in sympathy and, years later, we see CUPE getting screwed the
same way.
It's as if words like "collective action" and "union" have become
curses. What ever happened to people sticking together to stick it to
the man? What's wrong with us ganging up on them when they're so
obviously willing to buy their way in to government and gang up on us?
It's hard to understand. It's as if a large portion of the population
has begun to think that we'd all do better if we'd just let business
people run our government and let corporations run free like wild
chickens, that somehow the blood from their competitive cock-fighting
will benefit us all.
Collective action is a corrective action for the situations where
democracy fails. Voting doesn't give us the government we want. It
never has and it never will in our present system. An election only
approximates our will through the rasterization of our representative
system. (Think of a blurry, 308 pixel image of your face). When our
votes don't seem to count and the government can't get it quite right,
we engage it on specific issues and force it to do what we *really*,
immediately want it to do. That's what collective action is. Sometimes
it's economic, halting transportation and business. Sometimes it's a
vocal protest, to enforce the importance of the issue. But there's
nothing wrong with the people banding together to make a point.
Greg.
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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* Humour *
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[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
[Disclaimer: The Humour Section may contain content that includes dirty
words, adult situations and jokes that make fun of politicians. Viewer
discretion is advised. --Ed.]
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Tourist Questions
=================
Thanks to Linda G.'s Monkey-Go-Round
Questions that tourists sometimes ask about Canada before visiting.
With snappy answers!
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch
them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -- can I follow the Railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only six thousand kilometres. Bring lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list
of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver
and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, we don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is
illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the
brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by
spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Are there killer bees in Canada? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
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* Classifieds *
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ROOM FOR RENT
Furnished second floor room. House privileges, TV, laundry, parking.
Close to shopping and bus routes. Katimavik, near Hazeldean Mall.
Co-op students welcome. Non-smoking. Available immediately.
591-3718.
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* General Info *
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Contact the NUTS Committee:
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/ (for people within Alcatel)
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