Top graduate at the A-Team School of Disagreement Resolution, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Term XL, Issue 12 (#189)
Weather outlook:
Back to junk.
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* Contents *
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- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
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* Editor's Blurb *
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Hey all
Apparently my calls to the readership, in an attempt to generate some
new content, came and went unheeded. So before I actually dip into the
bastion of previously charted waters, I'm going to run out the backlog.
And that means a lot of material of questionable quality and even more
questionable taste. This practise will probably be vetoed sooner rather
than later, since it's still a toss up whether it's better to lower
quality standards or repeat the glory days of oh so many years ago. And
it's not like anyone actually remembers those jokes that appeared here
four years ago. And for those who do: for shame!
One day we're going to have some real content in the Introduction and
not just confused ramblings. But I wouldn't bet on it.
Until next time,
I love it when a plan comes together.
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
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* Ongoing Events *
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[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
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Pool League
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Mondays
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/index.html#Monday
Contact: Dave and Michael (pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
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Indoor Rock Climbing
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Thursdays
Contact: Andrew (akpallek$hotmail.com)
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* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
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So we're living in a somewhat democratic country.
To be fair, Canada is not, strictly speaking, a pure democracy. I don't
believe that there are any pure democracies anywhere in the world. We
await the advent of universal Internet access and secure encrypted
voting. Until then, we have the almost-next-best-thing, a
representative democracy. We choose people from among us to represent
us in government. Those people should carry out our wishes. When they
don't, or our desires change, we pick new people.
That's the theory, at any rate. Let us suppose that, as it was in
Physics class where we neglected friction and the mass of the rope, we
can also pretend that the political world works according to theory.
During the campaign, the candidates are supposed to tell us what they
plan to do. We're supposed to get to know them, understand their
values, and decide which of them best represents us individually. Let's
ignore, for the moment, the problems with our get-more-votes voting
system, and pretend that the Parliament that got elected this winter was
one that represents the populace.
Now what should happen is that a group of these elected representatives
form a government and begin enacting policies and passing laws.
Passing laws isn't a concern. They will speak in Parliament and they
will vote for or against a bill. Their votes will be on record and we
can review (again, please ignore our apathy) these votes to ensure that
our candidates are doing what a) they promised and b) we want.
"Enacting policies", however, is a concern. Some of the people who end
up in the government become Ministers with Portfolio, meaning that they
take charge of a federal ministry. Maybe it's Health. Maybe it's
Foreign Affairs. Maybe it's the Ministry of Pickled Eggs. It doesn't
matter. What matters is that these Ministers will make decisions that
will affect the entire country, and that these decisions aren't
necessarily vetted through a Parliamentary vote. So it makes sense that
we, through our media (again, in Theoretical Politics Land where the
media doesn't hide things from us like, say, knocking over a democratic
government), can ask these Ministers questions about their actions and
therefore keep an eye on them.
And now the theory breaks down. Witness:
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20060321.wxharper21/BNStory/National/home
Stephen Harper has told his Ministers that they are not to make any
public statements without vetting it through his office (the PMO). How
many Ministries are there? How much policy are these people deciding?
We should be able to get reports on those Ministerial decisions and
actions with ease. Instead, all reports on the policies being set will
be held up in the PMO so Stephen Harper can go over them one by one
before letting them through to the people who elected him in the first
place.
No, sir, you don't have the right to do that. Those Ministers work for
us, and we should have access to all of them. Holding up those public
comments for sanitizing, or "staying on message", or whatever your
excuse, is not permissible. It would be the same as making
Parliamentary votes secret. This is how we keep tabs on our
representatives to ensure that they are keeping their promises. Hiding
them behind a veil of "Comments on this matter have not been approved by
the PMO" is ridiculous.
If we can't find out what our government is doing, we're not living in
anything like a democracy. We're living in a dictatorship. One of the
things Harper promised us, after the despotic lunacy of Chretien's
iron-fist rule from the Prime Minister's Office, was that his government
would be open and transparent. Instead, he's institutionalized the very
thing he had promised to eliminate.
Give him credit. At least publicly, it will be the last promise he or
anyone in his party will ever break.
The rest of the broken promises we will never know about. They'll be
lying in an Inbox on the desk in the Prime Minister's Office.
Greg.
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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* Humour *
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[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
[Disclaimer: The Humour Section may contain content that includes dirty
words, adult situations and jokes that make fun of politicians. Viewer
discretion is advised. --Ed.]
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The Dilemma
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Thanks to Linda G.'s International Comedy Machine
An 18-year-old girl tells her Mum that she is two months late. Very
worried, the mother rushes off to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says: "Who was the pig that did
this to you? I want to know now!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a red
Ferrari stops in front of their house and a mature and distinguished man
with grey hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out
and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and
he explains: "Good morning. Your daughter has informed me of the
problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family
situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for
your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born
I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa
and a $1,000,000 bank account.
"If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a
$2'000'000 bank account. If it's twins, a factory and $2'000'000 each.
"However, if there is a miscarriage, well... what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father -- who had remained silent -- places a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and says, "Then I reckon you'll just have
to sleep with her again!"
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* General Info *
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Contact the NUTS Committee:
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/ (for people within Alcatel)
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