Hoisted by its own petard, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Term XL, Issue 9 (#186)
Weather outlook:
I've had just about enough of this.
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* Contents *
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- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
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* Editor's Blurb *
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Hey all
Here we are at another edition of the Juice and Gin, and I've yet to
learn that these introductions can be pretty much written months ahead
of time. There could be a nice little collection, and I could just pick
and choose which one best suits the mood of the current week. They
could be highly honed, polished pieces of prose, each containing many
hilarious anecdotes.
But procrastination being as prevalent as it is, you're stuck with these
last-minute entries. And really, how bad can last-minute deadline panic
writing sprees be?
And please remember that answering rhetorical questions such as this
will void your warranty. But only where prohibited by law. You have
been warned.
Until next time,
I am not pished!
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
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* Ongoing Events *
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[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
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Pool League
===========
Mondays
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/index.html#Monday
Contact: Dave and Michael (pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
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Indoor Rock Climbing
====================
Thursdays
Contact: Andrew (akpallek$hotmail.com)
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* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
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For those who were wondering, someone has finally admitted, in the
mainstream media, that the only sensible reason to stay in Iraq is
because it has oil.
http://www.mtholyoke.edu/acad/intrel/bush/koppel.htm
Ever heard of Ted Koppel? Yeah, him. Hardly a radical left-wing
anarchist, he's part of the media establishment that gave the Bush
Administration the wink and the nod on weapons of mass destruction, on
"spreading democracy" and on all of the other poorly played out excuses
for invading a weak, starving country.
It's about the oil, argues Koppel, and that's okay. You see, "we" need
that oil, and until we don't need it anymore, we have to make sure it
flows well. I'm not sure how the Iraqi people feel about "our" rights
to their oil ... hmm ... okay, I guess it's pretty obvious how the Iraqi
people feel. How do the American people feel? Would they have
thousands of their sons and daughters to die and be injured, see their
flag being burned in countries around the world, just to keep the price
of gas low. I doubt it.
I don't even know how to argue against a point of view like that.
Suppose I don't have a house, but I do have a gun. Well, I need a
house. Can I use my gun to take Ted Koppel's house? I, however, don't
think Koppel gives his readers much credit. Most of his countrymen have
figured this out by now. The veneer of righteousness the current
president had is fading fast. His approval rating was at 34% last I
checked. I imagine most people are seeing through his lies by now.
Someday soon our American friends will be free of this nonsense.
So let's come back home and examine our own Conservatives. They have
not, as of yet, tried any anti-gay, anti-abortion legislation - things
that might pass with enough help from socially conservative Liberal
party members. But they have done some strange things. As mentioned
weeks ago, there was the Senate appointment they promised not to make.
Then there was the party-switching trick that they decried so sharply
when it happened to them.
Now we have a few more things to consider. The first was the
appointment of Carleton-Mississippi Mills MP Gordon O'Connor as Defence
Minister. I won't dispute his credentials. He's a retired military man
and imminently qualified. The problem is that he was, after retiring, a
paid lobbyist for Airbus Military, United Defence, General Dynamics
Canada and BAE Systems ... all of them military contractors. And now
he's in charge of the department of Defence. So much for avoiding "even
the appearance of a conflict of interest", which I remember the Prime
Minister harping on in the debates and in the halls of parliament. I
suppose if, upon leaving government, Mr. O'Connor avoids returning to
any of those companies - as do his relatives - then there's little to
make a stink about. But still, it doesn't look good.
Then we have the alteration to the Supreme Court nomination process. In
the old days, a panel made up of the legal experts from all
parliamentary parties would interview the candidate, report to the Prime
Minister and the P.M. would make the appointment. The change that has
been made is that this hearing is now done in public. I'm all for open
government. My problem is that the Supreme Court, at the moment, is a
non-partisan institution. We don't talk about having Liberal or
Conservative or N.D.P. judges. We just have judges who make sure that
the laws that are made don't violate the Charter of Rights. My fear
here is that the interviewers will soon see this as a chance to
grandstand for the audience and turn the Supreme Court in to a partisan
free-for-all as it has become south of the border. It's even more
disturbing when I hear that the new P.M. wants to do something about
"liberal activists" "legislating from the bench." Or some such nonsense.
Brrrrrr.
I just keep telling myself: 2 years... tops.
Greg.
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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* Humour *
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[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
[Disclaimer: The Humour Section may contain content that includes dirty
words, adult situations and jokes that make fun of politicians. Viewer
discretion is advised. --Ed.]
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Romance
=======
Thanks to Linda G.'s Geriatric Comedy Brigade
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling
asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She
said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get
back to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss
me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and
settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used
to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of
bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"
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Driver's Licence
================
Thanks to Linda G.'s Generic Joketorium
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car
and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her
purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to
the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
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* General Info *
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Contact the NUTS Committee:
nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror (for people within Alcatel)
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