An oak-veneered fun dispenser, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Term XXXIX, Issue 14 (#177)
Weather outlook:
Cold as crap.
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* Contents *
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- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Photographia
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
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* Editor's Blurb *
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Hey all
Welcome to the last Juice and Gin of 2005! Time to wind things up one
more time for another non-denominational holiday break. Happy Festivus!
One of the normal repercussions from coming to the end of the year, it's
also the end of the term. And that also means that the Pool League has
completed another successful four month stint pretending to be an actual
recreational club. The transition to the new digs at the Cue and
Cushion have been quite smooth, and that second-floor establishement
will now be our new permanent home.
Look for the League to start back up again on January 09. Also look for
pictures from the Fall 2005 Invitational Tournament Classic soon. And
by soon I mean some time in 2006. Nothing says "I'll get to it later"
like a thirteen month window of opportunity.
Indoor Rock Climbing is also done for the year. Says Andrew: "There
will not be any climbing from the 22nd of December until the 12th of
January (when we will recommence climbing)." So look forward to that.
But I think that means this week is still a go. So sneak one last climb
in before the break.
And thus, another year comes to an end. See you crazy kids in January.
Until next time,
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
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* Ongoing Events *
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[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
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Pool League
===========
Mondays
Starting again on January 09.
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/index.html#Monday
Contact: Larisa and Michael (mailto:pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
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Indoor Rock Climbing
====================
Thursdays
Starting again on January 12.
Contact: Andrew (mailto:akpallek$hotmail.com)
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* Photographia *
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The last Punch of the Week. And the readership rejoiced.
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/pictures/Punch/index.html
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/pictures/Punch/index.html
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* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
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Ah, fallacious arguments.
My favourite one, for now, is the one that says we should vote
Conservative for the tax cuts and economic growth. The best part of the
argument is that the conservative government in Alberta has been doing
that for ages, and Alberta's doing great. Albertans are getting huge
tax rebates and everything!
Uh-huh. Actually that's the oil. Don't be stupid and vote Conservative
because of that.
Mind you, I'll still pretty disturbed by the high proportion of people,
especially in Ontario, who will probably continue to vote Liberal. I
suppose that one could argue that *these* particular Liberals aren't
necessarily the same ones that siphoned all that money off Sponsorship
programs. Once could also argue that these aren't the people who blew
the HRDC billions or bloated the crap out of the gun registry program
(seriously, we could have reduced crime a lot more by putting that money
in to education and youth programs). One could argue these things, but
not very convincingly.
It's hard to tell what Ontario fears so much in the Conservatives. Are
they a bunch of cowboy yahoos? Is it the cloaked social right wing that
we're all afraid will start passing anti-gay and anti-abortion laws? Is
it the chilling stigma of NAFTA? Maybe it's the way Stockwell Day and
Stephen Harper seem pro-Iraq war?
On the other hand, maybe we've forgiven the Liberals for all their
faults. They do appear humbled by their minority status and the quirky
nature of this minority government situation is keeping the watchful eye
of the media and the public on them. They know that if they fail to
follow through on their promises, we'll catch them and the other parties
can drop the government out from under them.
The only thing of which I am reasonably certain is that we will have
another minority government. The Conservatives can not get the support
of Ontario, even with the anti-crime platform targeted directly at the
Toronto area. The Liberals, on the other hand, can't get enough support
in Quebec to complete their majority. Obviously the Bloc and the NDP
will play kingmaker.
The weirdest possible situation is for the Conservative to carry a good
chunk of Ontario - a good enough chunk to end up with more seats than
the Liberals. Technically, the Conservatives should then form
government. But if they don't actually get a majority of the seats,
with whom can they negotiate? The NDP and Bloc are socialist and
progressive. The only hope would be to entice some Liberal backbenchers
to jump overboard. Not real likely though.
How exciting.
Greg.
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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* Humour *
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[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
[Disclaimer: The Humour Section may contain content that includes dirty
words, adult situations and jokes that make fun of politicians. Viewer
discretion is advised. --Ed.]
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A Christmas Tradition
=====================
Thanks to Linda G.'s Holiday Fun Joke Factory
A long, long time ago, during a beautiful Christmas Season, Santa Claus
was preparing for his annual trip around the world. However, obstacles
grew in his way since very early morning.
Four of his elves got sick and the replacements were not making toys
fast enough, so Santa was worried they may not be ready on time.
Then his wife informed him that her mother was coming for an extended
visit, which upset him
greatly. On top of that, when he went to harness the reindeer, he found
out that three were in an advanced stage of pregnancy and two had run
away -- God only knows where to. Santa Claus got even more upset.
As soon as he started to load his sleigh one of the runners broke off,
sending his bag on the ground and spilling all the toys out. Pissed off
Santa decided to go back inside for some coffee and a big scotch. When
he opened his liquor cabinet he discovered that the elves stole all the
booze, so there was nothing left to drink. Shaking with anger Santa
dropped his coffee mug which shattered into pieces all over the kitchen
floor. So he went to get a broom to sweep it, only to discover the
broom had been eaten by mice.
At that precise moment somebody knocked at the door.
Santa opened the door. A little white Angel was standing there, holding
a beautiful Christmas Tree. The Angel exclaimed with glee: "Merry
Christmas, Santa Clause! Isn't it a wonderful day today? I've brought
a tree for you. Look how great it is! Where would you like me to stick
it?"
And that, my dear children, is how the tradition of putting an angel on
top of the Christmas Tree began.
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* General Info *
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Contact the NUTS Committee:
mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror (for people within Alcatel)
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