Damaged goods with a lot of baggage, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Term XXXIX, Issue 6 (#169)
Weather outlook:
Abnormally soggy.
************
* Contents *
************
- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Photographia
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
******************
* Editor's Blurb *
******************
Hey all
Wordy intro this week. Bear with me. (Kermit, turn left.)
I don't know if you noticed, but there was no Juice and Gin last week.
Perhaps this caught you by surprise. Probably pleasantly so. Perhaps
you just assumed you already deleted it like you do every week. Or for
those technically minded, you surmised your email-filter automatically
dumped the J&G into the back end of the electronic rubbish bin of time,
as email filters are want to do.
For all the people who did write in (oh, you know who you are), the
Juice and Gin is certainly still running. But due to budget cutbacks,
diminished capacity means that transmission interruptions will occur
from time to time. This whole mess is currently a one-man operation
with regular contributions from Greg G. and Linda G. -- no relation.
The content of the J&G is highly dependent on the diligence of the
readership. This is the way things work: stuff from the outside comes
in, and I publish it. It's that simple.
Mostly, things go in unedited. Primarily because I don't have a lot of
time to pour over other people words. If I get the gist, in it goes.
As for jokes, I use my own personal judgement on whether something is
appropriate for publication in the newsletter. Humour being completely
subjective, the main criteria for inclusion that it be funny. Since I
am not generally offended by swear words, adult situations or political
humour, these usually go through unedited.
My sense of appropriateness of J&G content will vary from that of the
readership; this is expected. Unfortunately, you won't be able to make
this judgement yourself until after reading the content, leading to one
of those inconvenient Catch-22 situations. Long time readers will be
aware of the level of low-brow humour that makes it through the filter.
If, after reading through several editions, you feel that the grain is
too coarse, feel free to skip the Humour Section.
Even with scrutiny on the part of the editorial staff, there have been
occasions on which the DTK or the humour section has come under fire for
appropriateness. Most companies have policies about distributing jokes
through email. If your company is one of these and you receive the
Juice and Gin through your work account, then perhaps you should think
about changing your subscription email from your work account to your
home account. If you fall into this boat and would like to switch, send
an email to mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca and briefly state which email
address you would like to switch from, and which email address you would
like to switch to.
I'm sure everyone enjoyed reading seven rambling paragraphs about
behind-the-scenes goings on at J&G HQ. Now, back to our regularly
scheduled lunacy.
Until next time,
I only mind the voices in my head when they don't speak English.
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
******************
* Ongoing Events *
******************
[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pool League
===========
Mondays
http://www.solutionsatsource.com/pool
Contact: Larisa and Michael (mailto:pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indoor Rock Climbing
====================
Thursday evenings
Contact: Claire (mailto:Claire.Mettier$alcatel.com)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
****************
* Photographia *
****************
More rip roarin' fun with practical violence.
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/pictures/Punch/index.html
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/pictures/Punch/index.html
******************************
* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
******************************
Sex education.
If you want to reduce teenage pregnancies, the best way is with
thorough, comprehensive sexual education. When teenagers are beat about
the head with "abstinence only" teaching methods, they tend to start
having sex earlier, get pregnant more often, and spread more disease.
When, instead, they are taught clinical, accurate information about HIV,
gonorrhoea, syphilis and pregnancy, they tend to hold off just a bit
longer. When you teach them about condoms and birth control pills, they
tend not to get pregnant and not to spread disease.
But I think something even more crucial is missing from the sex
education which we are currently delivering. In a sense, this part of
the curriculum has to be focussed on the female half of things.
Let's be honest, the whole thing is very sexist. As responsible as you
can try to teach the boys to be, it's the girls who hold the keys, and
they're the ones who can get pregnant. If it helps, think of it as
follows. You have a class of 15 girls and 15 boys. You teach a message
of responsibility only to the boys. If your message fails to reach just
one of those boys, he has the ability to impregnate all 15 girls. If
you teach, instead, the key messages to the girls and it fails to
impress one girl, you only get one pregnancy. Of course you'll also be
teaching responsibility to the boys, but my point here regards what is
missing from the female side of education.
What's missing from the girls' side of sex education? The tricks boys
will use to avoid using birth control -- especially condoms.
"Don't worry, you can't get pregnant the first time."
"I'm sterile."
"If you sneeze afterwards, you can't get pregnant."
"You can't get pregnant if you're on top."
The list could go on. It should go on. The girls should be able to
recite the list, line by line, before they get out of grade five -- or
perhaps the inverse of the list: "You can get pregnant the first time.
He's not sterile. Sneezing doesn't protect me from pregnancy."
Sometimes these things are mentioned, often as "sex myths." But the
word "myth" misses the point entirely. If these aren't widely
advertised as "lies you may be told," then the level of mischief will
not be conveyed. As I read once upon a time, "if you tell him he ain't
gettin' in without a condom, you'd be surprised how quickly he puts one
on."
Greg.
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
**********
* Humour *
**********
[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
[Disclaimer: The Humour Section may contain content that includes dirty
words, adult situations and jokes that make fun of American
politicians. Viewer discretion is advised. --Ed.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Changing A Light Bulb
=====================
How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to change a light
bulb?
Eleven:
(1) One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed.
(2) One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs
to be changed.
(3) One to decide that, yeah, it IS dark in here.
(4) One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb.
(5) One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for
changing the light bulb or for darkness.
(6) One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Haliburton for the
new light bulb.
(7) One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing
on a step ladder under the banner: "Light Bulb Change Accomplished."
(8) One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in
detail how Bush was literally in the dark.
(9) One to viciously smear #8.
(10) One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush
has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along.
(11) And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between
screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
****************
* General Info *
****************
Contact the NUTS Committee:
mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror (for people within Alcatel)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2001, 2005 N.U.T.S. All rights reserved.