The shape-shifting master of darkness, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Term XXXVIII, Issue 15 (#160)
Weather outlook:
Get your bucket out.
************
* Contents *
************
- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Photographia
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
******************
* Editor's Blurb *
******************
Hey all
In startling news, the Juice and Gin readership is actually increasing
(through no fault of our own). A big hello to all the new readers out
there. Well, wave back!
In addition to the new crowd, the following reminder goes out to all the
old readers (yeah, I'm talking to you!) as well. The Juice and Gin
continues its flawless, well-oiled operation through the generous
donations of viewers... like you! This means stuff like events,
editorials and jokes. Especially jokes. These things don't write
themselves. And Linda G. can only send in so much.
If anyone runs across anything interesting: puzzles, riddles,
anecdotes, funny parables, humourous stories, startling tales, dirty
limericks, collections of swear words, whatever. We'll publish
anything. And I do mean ANYTHING. Hell, these confused ramblings make
it past the editorial board each and every week.
So the next time something interesting appears in your inbox, slap that
puppy off to mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca. I ask for so little.
In actual event news, Jason Lantz wants everyone to know that there's
still time to get in on the White Water Rafting expedition that's
happening THIS SUNDAY. This is the last call, and here's the skinny:
Where: Wilderness tours http://www.wildernesstours.com/
When: This Sunday morning, August 14th (Day trip)
Cost: $110
Contact: mailto:jason.lantz$nortel.com
Email Jason if you are interested or have any questions.
Until next time,
Get away from me, you PEPPERPOTS FROM HELL!
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
******************
* Ongoing Events *
******************
[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pool League
===========
Mondays
http://www.solutionsatsource.com/pool
Contact: Jason and Michael (mailto:pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indoor Rock Climbing
====================
Monday evenings some weekends
Contact: Claire (mailto:Claire.Mettier$alcatel.com)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
****************
* Photographia *
****************
More classic punches! Not to be confused with Summer Re-runs. This is
completely different. Next week... pictures from the Pool League Summer
Tournament Invitational. Oooh, aaah.
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/pictures/Punch/index.html
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/pictures/Punch/index.html
******************************
* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
******************************
Ode to the Complainer.
It seems to me that pretty much everyone has encountered the soul
draining power of the Professional Complainer.
You know the one: that relative who can't get along with anyone at
work; that classmate who can't stop ranting about the professor; the
co-worker who thinks everyone is ought to get him.
On the one hand, you'd like to just make these people go away. On the
other hand, you might have known this person since you were born, and
the self-destructive way he or she goes about living life makes you want
to reach out and do something.
I've seen successful tricks for getting people to stop complaining to
me. Mockery is good. Once, a friend of mine responded to the
complainer on my behalf -- subcontracting as it were. Thus ended that
series of Gregward complaints, but I know the complaining itself
continues unabated, always with new targets.
Complaining is a dangerous way to live. That's the only way I can put
it to those I've tried to cure. Sure, you might temporarily get a small
modicum of artificial pity. As my parents used to tell me, "there's
*good* attention and there's *bad* attention." The pity derived from
complaining is most assuredly *bad* attention.
The worst part about the unholy pit of despair that comes with the
cyclical complaint process is that the complainer becomes wholly
incapable of conversing in any other fashion. All that can be
remembered of communication" is "eliciting pity". The complainer loses
friends, annoys co-workers and consequently finds more things about
which to complain. And yet, no matter how much complaining is done,
there is no one fixing everything for the complainer. Mysterious!
Yes, I wish I knew a cure for the Chronic Complaint Disease, but alas it
goes well beyond all of the pop psychology I know. Maybe, as my father
used to say, a swift kick in the ass is the most appropriate remedy.
Greg.
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
**********
* Humour *
**********
[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Success Is
==========
Thanks to Linda G.'s Comedy Quick Hits
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . going all the way.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . going all the way.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Irish Gas Station
=================
Thanks to Linda G.'s Comedy Barn
Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drove his new SUV
into an Irish gas station. An attendant greeted him in typical Irish
manner, unaware who the golf pro was.
"Top of the mornin' to ya!" the Irishman smiled, doffing his cap.
As Tiger got out of the mammoth vehicle, two tees fell out of his
pocket.
"So what are those, lad?" asked the attendant.
"They're called tees," replied Tiger.
"And what would ya be usin' 'em for, now?" inquired the Irishman.
"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," said Tiger.
"AW! Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph," exclaimed the Irish attendant. "Those
new SUVs have got everything!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
****************
* General Info *
****************
Contact the NUTS Committee:
mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror (for people within Alcatel)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2001, 2005 N.U.T.S. All rights reserved.