Chock full of bad advice, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Term XXXVIII, Issue 13 (#158)
Weather outlook:
Feet in a bucket hot.
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* Contents *
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- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Photographia
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
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* Editor's Blurb *
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Hey all
There was hope that the J&G would be out earlier in the evening, but
unfortunately an unexpected incident involving a toilet that suddenly
decided it was a faucet required immediate attention. Two hours and
many litres of water later, I have an anecdotal episode that has
provided me the perfect opportunity to write fabulously obtuse run-on
sentences with unnecessarily complicated words in them. And really, who
doesn't love the pointless, run on sentences? Evil space monkeys,
that's who. They also hate flowers and walks in the park.
And to anyone who's paying attention to the Pool League statistics... I
*did not* doctor the numbers this week. I don't know how I ended up in
first place. That's just how the crazy math worked out. Really. No,
really.
Now I must sleep.
Until next time,
What the Funk 'N Wangles are you talking about?
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
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* Ongoing Events *
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[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
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Pool League
===========
Mondays
http://www.solutionsatsource.com/pool
Contact: Jason and Michael (mailto:pool$solutionsatsource.com)
View the current players' statistics at:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
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Indoor Rock Climbing
====================
Monday evenings some weekends
Contact: Claire (mailto:Claire.Mettier$alcatel.com)
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* Photographia *
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Looks like I ran out of time for a new Punch of the Week picture this
week. So I'll have to try doubly hard next week to get some quality
going. But we all know how likely that's going to be.
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/pictures/Punch/index.html
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/pictures/Punch/index.html
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* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
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I spent a couple of weeks, on the company's dime, in the Land of the
Empire. If you're a new reader, unfamiliar with my particular political
bent, we'll leave that reference as a riddle for you.
I noticed a lot of things while I was there. People tip their waiters
slightly more. The military puts up tents for recruiting purposes.
They like firecrackers more than we do. They drive many fewer SUVs than
I'd been led to expect. They serve ridiculous portions of food.
They're afraid.
I don't mean afraid in the sense of "terrorists are going to hit us
again any time now." That's a normal sensible fear from a people who
have been blasted with excessive media coverage of a terrorist attack on
their own soil. (By excessive, I don't mean to diminish this horror,
only to compare it to much less prominent causes of deaths which receive
less coverage while killing more people.)
Putting that aside, I refer to other fears. Even in sunny Petaluma,
where it's nothing but nice cars and half million dollar houses as far
as the eye can see, they lock up the picnic tables at night. The car
doors all lock automatically as soon as you start your car. The
washrooms... er, restrooms have these toilets with plastic covers
that rotate when you Jedi-wave a sensor.
While trying to eat lunch at work on a weekend, I stepped outside on the
patio and found that the heavy metal patio chairs were locked to the
heavy metal patio table. I asked a co-worker about this and he claimed
that the "high school kids" would take such things if they weren't
locked up. Really? Had this actually happened? Apparently not. Was
there a big black market in unattractive, extraordinarily heavy, metal
chairs? No. But, in this secluded corner, inaccessible to automobiles,
right next to a well lit building, the chairs were locked up every night
and on weekends.
I began to understand that there is indeed a divide between us and our
neighbourinos to the south: they're afraid.
And finally, as I sit here touching up the stuff I'd been working on in
the cooler climes of California, I began to wonder. Is it fear that
makes people put locks on crappy metal chairs? Or is it rather the
sight of the locks on the crappy metal chairs that makes people afraid?
Greg.
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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* Humour *
**********
[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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How'd They Vote
===============
http://www.howdtheyvote.ca/
Cool resource to see how your local MP has behaved in the House of
Parliament. Includes bills, speeches, votes, even word counts.
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Just Another Online Riddle
==========================
Thanks to Greg G. @ Alcatel
http://gaucho.cybton.com/riddle/index.htm
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Olympic Condoms
===============
Thanks to Linda G.'s Comedy Fun Stop
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.
Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces To
his wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?" she blurts, "What makes them so special?"
"There are three colours," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What colour are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course," says the man proudly.
The wife responds, "Why don't you try Silver. It would be nice if you
finished second for a change."
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* General Info *
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Contact the NUTS Committee:
mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror (for people within Alcatel)
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