A million miles from nowhere, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Term XXXVIII, Issue 3 (#148)
Weather outlook:
Middling.
************
* Contents *
************
- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Photographia
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
******************
* Editor's Blurb *
******************
Hey all
Wow, a lot has happened today. Okay, just one political event, but it's
thrown the whole country up in the air. And we'll have to wait until
Thursday to see how Belinda Stronach's defection plays out in the House
of Commons. Will the government fall? How betrayed does Western Canada
feel? Is this just political jockeying or is there more to this story?
I'm sure Greg will have something to say about this next week. Too bad
the news missed the publication deadline for this week's edition. (We
run a tight ship here at J&G HQ.) If anyone out there is reading this
(and, as we all know, even that's a stretch) feel free to write in with
your thoughts.
I trust everyone is enjoying the nice weather that's been floating
through Ottawa this last little while. Okay, so it's been sort of
mediocre lately, but there's plenty to do out and about in and around
the environs. It's Tulip Festival time. Plus there's the new War
Museum, which is a very interesting place to visit. And half-price on
Sundays. And free on Thursday evenings. How can you argue with prices
like that? Don't even try, Chester.
We're coming up on the 150th edition of the Juice and Gin since I've
taken over editing duties of this fine publication. That's almost cause
for celebration. Basically it means I'll won't have to think up new
topics of discussion in two weeks. It's all nostalgia, baby!
Until next time,
It's a topsy-turvy upside-down world, Margaret.
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
******************
* Ongoing Events *
******************
[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pool League
===========
Mondays
http://www.solutionsatsource.com/pool
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
Contact: Jason and Michael (mailto:pool$solutionsatsource.com)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indoor Rock Climbing
====================
Thursday evenings some weekends
Contact: Claire (mailto:Claire.Mettier$alcatel.com)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
****************
* Photographia *
****************
And those punch photos just keep on comin' on.
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/pictures/Punch/index.html
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/pictures/Punch/index.html
******************************
* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
******************************
Conclusions... and how we make them.
The argument for invading Iraq, in case you've forgotten, went like
this:
"We believe Saddam Hussein has nuclear weapons, chemical weapons and/or
biological weapons. The terms of Iraq's surrender after the first gulf
war required Iraq to give up all such weapons. Our news media report
that Saddam is hindering inspections."
Our news media report that weapons inspectors were withdrawn in advance
of US/UK bombing raids. Then they report that Saddam ejected the
inspectors (?). Our news media appears confused.
Logically, though somewhat circumstantially, we are left to conclude
that, since Saddam is hindering inspections, he must have illegal
weapons. Why hinder the inspections if you have nothing to hide, the
american government charged? In order to lift sanctions that killed
half a million Iraqi children, "All Saddam has to do", they told us, is
let the inspectors do their work.
So the weapons inspectors were withdrawn again, and the news media
sycophantically reported that "Saddam ejected the inspectors again" or
that they were (contradictorily) withdrawn because of Iraqi hindrance.
Next thing you know, there's no choice but to have a war.
Okay fine. If you're dumb enough to believe everything that the news
media tells you from their daily Pentagon briefings, you might believe
the war was legitimate because of this circumstantial evidence that Iraq
was "hindering" the inspectors.
Now, years later, there's a logical problem. There were no weapons of
mass destruction. There never were. The chemicals and biologicals
would have rotted years ago. There were no nuclear weapons. There was
no launch capacity. The inspectors had already accounted for the vast
majority of everything illegal.
Now it's time to revisit the assumptions. The question, "Why would
Saddam block inspections if he had no nuclear weapons?" takes on new
meaning. Inasmuch as hindering weapons inspections "proves" that he had
weapons to hide, the fact that he had no weapons puts the lie to the
idea that he was hindering inspections. No one in Iraq had *any reason*
to hinder inspections. What purpose would it serve, since there were no
weapons?
The whole thing was a lie and the biggest surprise, for me, is how few
people in the U.S. and the U.K., and even war supporters here in Canada,
are willing to re-evaluate their positions and come to this simple
conclusion. There's a strong desire to believe that, somehow, sort of,
if you will, the war was necessary because of... um... well...
democracy... or something.
Yeah.
Greg.
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
**********
* Humour *
**********
[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Definition Of 'Bravery'
===========================
Thanks to Linda G.'s Chuckle Factory
True bravery is arriving home stinking drunk after a very late night
out with the boys... Then... being assaulted by your wife with a
broom, And still having the guts to ask: "Are you cleaning, or were
you flying somewhere?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Decoding Man-Speak
==================
Thanks to Linda G.'s Automatic Shout-Out
"I'M GOING FISHING."
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a
stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete
safety."
"IT'S A GUY THING."
Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you
have no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN."
Means: "I have no idea how it works."
"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."
"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD."
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first
girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car
I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I
admit that I am hurt."
"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely
clueless."
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"
"I HEARD YOU."
Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping
desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the
next 3 days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realise it could be
worse."
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
****************
* General Info *
****************
Contact the NUTS Committee:
mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror (for people within Alcatel)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2001, 2005 N.U.T.S. All rights reserved.