The only person who knows your cheese needs better than you do, it's...
T H E J U I C E A N D G I N
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Term XXXVII, Issue 16 (#145)
Weather outlook:
Rain all damn week!
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* Contents *
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- Editor's Blurb
- Ongoing Events
- Photographia
- Greg's DTK
- Humour
- General Info
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* Editor's Blurb *
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Hey all
So I've received some conflicting information concerning the condition
of the photographic archive on the NUTS website. From an indeterminate
starting date, the web site was not showing any of the indices that
contain frames. For me at least. But I've heard in the meantime that
some people can actually view it. So if there's a chance you can look
at the pictures, then do so while you can. Not that there's too much
new. But take a look at the Photographia section below for more of the
same information.
In Ongoing Event news, it looks like the Pool League will be back up and
running full steam for the summer starting THIS MONDAY -- May 2nd. So
if you want to start playing, this would be a great time to start. And
we're a wacky bunch. You can tell by looking at the pictures.
Until next time,
Not now dear, Mommy's hung-over.
Michael (mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca)
And now, the rest of the story...
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* Ongoing Events *
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[See the Event Calendar on the web site for full descriptions.
--Ed.]
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Pool League
===========
Mondays
http://www.solutionsatsource.com/pool
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/events/pool/index.html
Contact: Jason and Michael (mailto:pool$solutionsatsource.com)
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Indoor Rock Climbing
====================
Thursday evenings some weekends
Contact: Claire (mailto:Claire.Mettier$alcatel.com)
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* Photographia *
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As stated above, the archive is acting a bit wonky as of late. But if
you can view the pictures, then by all means peruse the gallery. I've
added pictures from the Pool League Winter 2005 Tournament, so take a
look if you can. If you can't, then just imagine cool people playing
billiards. Then imagine all your dreams coming true. That's exactly
what our league is like.
I've also sneaked in another Punch of the Week. Because what's a week
without an inanimate object taking a shot to the melon? A week of
sadness.
http://nutsevents.topcities.com/pictures/Punch/index.html
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror/pictures/Punch/index.html
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* Greg's Deep Thought Korner *
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It looks very much like we're going to have another election. The
Liberals are going to take a beating - not so much because the populace
disagrees with the philosophy of the party, but because the actual
people in charge of it are coming out looking quite corrupt. If the
allegations coming out of the Gomery inquiry are correct, the Liberal
party of Canada was siphoning tax dollars in to their campaign coffers
under the guise of "promoting Canada in Quebec" or whatever.
So where do former Liberal supporters go? Oddly enough, if we believe
the polls, they're splitting between the NDP and the Conservatives. On
the one hand, I rather expected that most Liberal voters would switch to
the Conservatives simply because of the mindless way in which the
country generally swishes back and forth between those two parties. On
the other hand, I have difficulty believing that progressive, modern
Canadians can really stomach that part (half?) of the Conservative
party. Mind you, the Conservatives have done a *very* good job of
keeping that religiosity out of the limelight.
Right now, the NDP and the Liberals are doing some intense negotiation.
The Liberals had been planning a tax cut for corporations because of the
bizarre belief that we have to come out with lower taxes than our
healthcareless neighbours to the south. The NDP oppose this and are
willing to sign on to the budget if the tax cuts are removed and the
money is spent on education, health care and other left wing priorities
(that smoggy "environment" thing you always hear about).
The problem is, naturally, that the Liberals and the NDP fall just a
vote or two shy of passing anything that could hold the government
together. Nice. Start prepping for lawn signs.
What we're going to end up is as follows: more Conservatives; more NDP;
more Bloc; all at the expense of the Liberals. It then becomes a
question of forming a government. The Conservatives are not likely to
get a majority government, so if they want Stephen Harper to be the PM
they have to ally with ...? The left wing Bloc Quebecois? The further
left NDP? Those corrupt Liberals they've been bashing for months now?
I, personally, can't wait to see how this breaks down. Gilles Duceppe
for Prime Minister!
Greg
[Send responses to DTKs or new Editorials to mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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* Humour *
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[Forward any good jokes or interesting web sites you see to
mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca]
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Jokes With Realistic Endings
============================
Thanks to Greg G. @ Alcatel
A duck walks into a convenience store and says "Give me some chapstick,
put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak
English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether
his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak,
however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed.
The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The
duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick
anyway, since he has no lips.
~~~
A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end
and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a
better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings
of a friendship that last a lifetime.
~~~
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?
A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic
engineering.
~~~
So, there were an Irishman, an Englishman and an American wrecked on an
island. One day, they found a bottle, and when they opened it, a ghost
came out and offered them each a wish. However, even though they wished
for different stuff, nothing happened, as the three guys of varying
nationalities were just having shared hallucinations from hunger.
~~~
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Repeated absences and stealing.
~~~
So a mushroom walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The
bartender calls his psychiatrist to report that he is hallucinating
again.
~~~
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called, the duck is
then taken to a nearby park and released.
~~~
Why did the deaf man take his parrot to work?
He was weird.
~~~
What's the difference between a post box and a vagina?
A post box is a public container for the deposit of outgoing mail, and a
vagina is the passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the
cervix of the uterus in female mammals.
~~~
A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?"
The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects
of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law."
~~~
A chicken begins crossing the street and is hit by several fast moving
metal boxes with wheels.
~~~
A Blonde and a Brunette jump off a tall building at the same time. Who
hits the ground first?
Both of them hit the ground at the same time. Hair colour doesn't
affect acceleration due to gravity.
~~~
A man walks into a bar.
He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.
~~~
What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.
~~~
Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
~~~
Where did Hitler keep his armies?
The brunt of his forces were applied to the Eastern front, but
throughout different periods of the war, a sizeable chunk were used to
protect the Atlantic Wall and a handful of divisions were used in
Africa, to secure shipping routes.
~~~
A kid is riding down the street when his chain pops off his bicycle.
The kid yells "God damn!" as he begins to fix it.
A priest walking nearby overhears the boy taking god's name in vein and
says "Don't say 'God damn' say 'God help us.'"
The kid says, "I am an atheist, get away from me."
~~~
What's the deal with airline peanuts?
The packaging is generally poorly designed and cheaply made, as a method
of cutting distribution costs. After all, most passengers wouldn't want
a "Peanut Fee" attached to their already costly ticket prices in order
to cover the expenses of higher quality wrappers. What are you
complaining about, anyway? It's free food, and it's a nice snack. If
you're really that bent on not enjoying the peanuts the airline so
graciously provided you with, just save them and give them to the next
homeless person you see. People these days are really selfish.
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* General Info *
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Contact the NUTS Committee:
mailto:nutsinfo$yahoo.ca
The NUTS Website is:
http://nutsevents.topcities.com
http://torpedo.ca.newbridge.com/mirror (for people within Alcatel)
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